Author: Laura & Brett

Finding fulfillment, satisfaction, and positivity in daily living.

Language Learning for Adults

Posted on by Laura & Brett

(Updated from a 2018 post on The Occasional Nomads)


I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic lately, especially since I’ve been doing some ESL work again. I’ve also been thinking a lot about going back to studying Japanese again once we’re in Portland (much easier to do there than in Tennessee, that’s for sure). I’ve spent a considerable amount of time (like years) trying to learn Japanese, only to find myself with an ability less than a very young child. Because my professional background is in adult language learning and acquisition you would think I’d have this all figured out by now and would know all sorts of tricks to make learning faster and easier, but sadly, no. I have to admit though that I enjoy and miss the challenge of language learning.

Children pick up new languages easily, at least the spoken part, typically because they are usually far more immersed in a new language than most adults (i.e. in school all day with other native speakers). If children learn a second language before the age of twelve they usually can become fluent speakers with no accent. Although adults learn a language in the same steps as children, how adults process what they are learning is different based on cognitive differences and other previous learning experiences. The reality is it just takes adults longer to acquire a second language. The good news is it’s not impossible.

When adults are learning a second or foreign language, there are three main aspects that come into play: 1) motivation, or the reasons for learning another language; 2) how an adult views themselves as a learner; 3) who an adult sees themselves to be when they speak another language. All three of these are important, but any one of them on their own can have a profound effect on the learning experience. Being aware of these forces and the roles they play can help adults through the process.

Motivation falls into two classes, intrinsic or extrinsic. That is, motivation to learn another language either comes from within or from without. Are you learning a new language because you want to or because you have to or need to? How strong is the desire or need? A combination of both intrinsic and extrinsic reasons for learning is best, and together can provide powerful motivation to push through difficult stretches and improve.

Language learning has often proven to be a sticky problem for adults who have always seen themselves as successful learners or talented in other respects. Recognizing that language learning calls on a whole different set of skills than learning math or history, or participating in a sport or hobby, and that it might not be as easy for you as you thought (or as fun) is an important step in staying motivated and continuing to learn.

Finally, how do you see yourself when you imagine yourself speaking another language? As a native speaker of English, I view myself as a confident, skilled adult when I speak, read, write or listen to English, able to know what to say in almost any situation or figure out what someone else is saying or inferring. With any new language I often find myself with less ability than a child, making lots of (sometimes embarrassing) mistakes, sometimes unable to order in a restaurant or ask directions, let alone manage any other social or professional situations. It’s very humbling, and can also be humiliating at times. One’s self-image when learning a new language can sometimes take some serious blows. Also, there’s the aspect to self of fitting in socially and culturally where the new language is spoken – will you be accepted or always an outside? Knowing that these feelings are perfectly normal can help you stick with your language learning.

Based on my many years of teaching English to adults learners, here are some tips for making language learning more productive and less painful:

  • Communication should be the goal. Not fluency, not perfection, although you can work toward those. Can another person understand what you’re trying to say or write and communicate back to you? That’s what really matters.
  • Know how difficult a language is to learn. Russian or Chinese or Finnish are going to be w-a-y more difficult for an English speaker to learn than Spanish or French. All language learning takes time and effort, but if you want to learn one of the more difficult languages, give yourself even more time. Although the goal may be much less than professional proficiency, the Foreign Language Institute difficulty ranking for English speakers can give a good idea of the time it takes to reach 1) Speaking 3, a General Professional Proficiency in Speaking (S3) and 2) Reading 3: General Professional Proficiency in Reading (R3) in different languages. If you want to be less proficient than professional is will take less time.
  • Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Seriously, mistakes are how we learn, especially in language learning! Think of all the mistakes children make when they’re learning to speak. Adults go through the same steps, and mistakes will happen. The important thing is to keep trying to produce the language in some form rather than shut down. An ideal instructor (or online program) will always model the language correctly for you when you make a mistake and give chances to try again. It’s also important to find a classroom and instructor where you feel safe to make mistakes. My Japanese instructors in college weren’t particularly interested in classroom safety and it was an incredibly stressful and miserable experience. I remember nothing from those classes other than wanting them to end (although I was able to write my Master’s thesis from the experience!).
  • Be prepared to memorize. Memory is a very big part of language learning. We memorize constantly when we learn our own language (I took weekly spelling tests through the eighth grade because much of English spelling and pronunciation is based on memorization, even for native speakers), and it will be true for any other language. It’s more difficult to remember things when we’re older because we’re carrying around and having to deal with so much more information in our brains than we did when we were younger. The best way to remember what you’re learning is to practice. Every day. I listen to this man, ip_native_japanese (ippei), almost every day on Instagram for listening practice and can understand between 25%-80% of what he’s saying depending on where he is and the context.
  • Don’t sweat pronunciation. The ability to speak another language without an accent ends at about age 12. That’s when our mouths and oral muscles “solidify” around our native language. Not worrying about pronunciation doesn’t mean not trying to pronunciate a new language correctly in order to be understood, but sounding like a native speaker doesn’t need to be the goal.
  • Find ways to expose yourself to the language. Learning French in France is going to be a whole lot easier than trying to learn it in the U.S. Why? Because learners are immersed in the language there – it can’t be escaped and has to be dealt with. In your own country, once you’re out of the classroom it’s difficult to find opportunities to practice and use the language you’re learning. Immersion experiences here in the U.S. do exist though. Shop in international markets and read the labels or ask questions in the language you’re learning. Pick up a newspaper or magazine in the new language, go through it and see what can be figured out. Watch foreign films or TV shows in the new language without subtitles. For example, when our girls were learning Chinese, they found that all their favorite Disney Channel shows could be watched online in Mandarin, so they got lots of extra listening comprehension practice from those. Go to a church service where the language you’re learning is spoken (they exist). See if you can set up conversation experiences through local colleges, or hire a tutor and have them provide a weekly immersion session. I was sometimes able to match up my students, if they had time, with an English speaker who was trying to learn their language. They’d spend one hour together in one language, the second hour in the other language.

Knowing another language opens doors for understanding a new and/or different culture, but language learning is a process that takes time, in some cases lots of time. It’s important to remind yourself, especially if you’re struggling or on the fence about sticking with it, that you didn’t learn English (or any other native language) quickly as a child either. Unless necessary for professional reasons, fluency doesn’t need to be the goal of language learning; rather, you should strive to learn enough of a new language to communicate effectively, and as a means to better understand and enhance experiences in a different culture.

Finally, one other interesting side effect of language learning is that you will probably learn more about the English language as well, and what a crazy, difficult, and sometimes impossible thing it is. I thank my stars every day that English is my native language, and that I didn’t have to learn it as a second or foreign language. My years of teaching gave me an immense amount of respect for anyone trying to learn English, a daunting task if there ever was one.

Three Paths

Posted on by Laura & Brett

Do you see a theme here?

We are currently weighing and assessing which of three paths our future will take. Similar in some ways, each has a different ending, and the path we choose will determine how other future ideas and plans will play out. To be honest, we would be happy with any one of them.

  • Path #1: Rent an apartment on the Oregon coast, sell the car soon after we arrive and lease a new car that gets better mileage, and then stay put in Oregon. This plan is dependent on finding a suitable rental in a place we want to stay – Cannon Beach, Manzanita, or Newport.
  • Path #2: Rent an apartment in Portland for a couple of years, but one that is smaller and costs significantly less than we’re paying now. We’ll keep our paid-off car and continue to save, then move south to a city on California’s central coast. My home state has been calling to me and Brett would love to live there.
  • Path #3: Rent in Portland for two years, again living in a nice, but smaller and less expensive rental. We keep our paid-off car and save as much as we can. Then we sell the car, store all our household goods, and move back to Kauai with just what we can carry in our suitcases. We either rent a furnished place there or buy basic household goods and lease a car.

Ending up near the ocean is the main goal. If we can’t find something that suits us out at the coast Path #1 is not going to happen. It is proving difficult anyway as there just aren’t that many apartments out there that would fit us and the ones that would are expensive. On Path #2 we could look forward to living near the ocean on California’s central coast although everything would cost more (and Oregon is pretty expensive today all on its own) and we’d pay more in state taxes. We’ve crunched all the numbers though and it’s doable.

Kauai still holds a strong, special place in our hearts, but the entire effort to move back would take a lot of work and coast the most. Once there we would face finding a rental that would accept our dogs which could take a while. Kauai seems to be (over)crawling with tourists these days and we’re not sure how we might feel about dealing with that. Locals are begging visitors to come but then please go home. This path has us wondering if our presence now would just add to the many problems locals are having to deal with as well as pushing aside another local from the housing market.

Which direction we will choose will become clearer in another couple of weeks but for now all we can do is wait and see how things shake out.

Wanted: a Big Goal

Posted on by Laura & Brett

Brett and I are both goal oriented people. We like to have something to work toward and we’ve achieved a few short term goals while we’ve been in Tennessee. What we’ve missed having these past four years is a Big Goal, like paying off debt or moving our family to Hawaii or saving and planning to travel around the world were. What’s been missing during our time in Tennessee, we recently figured out, was that while we’ve had small goals, we’ve never had or been able to come up with any sort of big adventure that excited us like previous ones have, something that completely focused our thoughts and efforts in order to reach a big payoff.

We’ve sure gone through a lot of ideas about what a big goal might be though. However, after some initial excitement about an idea, nothing ever felt exactly right or grabbed us in a way earlier goals did. Each idea – moving to Mexico, buying a trailer and traveling full time, different locations we could live – was tossed to the side. To be honest, even our return to Oregon was never a grand goal other than we needed a place to go after Tennessee, time was getting short, and Oregon was familiar.

We’ve both been feeling lately like we not only want to have a BIG goal again but that we need one too, something to work toward for the next couple of years, something big to save for, something to plan for. Ideas have come and gone – Should we buy a house or condo somewhere? Move back to Hawaii? Take a big USA road trip? – but maybe is always the answer. Nothing has gotten us excited or ready to commit.

We know we have changed during our time in Tennessee. While we’re healthy and in good shape, we’re older and don’t move as quickly as we did before. We’re less interested in owning stuff. We have two dogs that tie us more to home. All of our children have settled in the northeast, an area we’re happy to visit but don’t want to live in. On the plus side, we have more income now than we did when we arrived. Over and over we ask ourselves, should we accept the limitations and just settle down somewhere? Are people our age still allowed to have big goals? We’ve had a wonderful life and many adventures, but maybe it’s time to limit our imaginations and do something more sensible for a change. But what does sensible mean in this situation?

Oregon was a good fit for us in the past but we know it may not be so this time around. The weather pushed us out once and there’s more than a good chance it will do it again. Should we be proactive, we ask ourselves, and have another plan in place when we arrive that we can work toward for a couple of years? A couple of ideas have raised their heads in the past couple of months, something we could work toward in Portland. Both ideas have stirred us more than others and have gotten both of us to ask again, Can we do this? We’re definitely not at any sort of How do we do this? stage yet, there’s no deep fire in the belly, but we’ve definitely felt some sparks. We can feel things beginning to stir once again even if it’s only knowing we want to have a big goal again.

For now though we’re choosing to remain focused on our upcoming move instead of becoming overly distracted by the future. The ideas we have now may die out and that’s what we’re waiting to see. Will they persist? And then what?

Time will tell . . . .

Goodbye June, Hello July!

Posted on by Laura & Brett

TWO MORE MONTHS!! I felt at times we were never going to get through June, and have a feeling July is going to sort of feel like a slow Thursday, with one more day left in the week to go after we finish. Still, the finish line is getting close!

Brett and I are finally on our own in the apartment complex – no more grandkids to watch, or family nearby. We miss them but the peace and quiet, being able to operate on our own schedule, and lots of no-drive days are frankly wonderful. It does feel empty to be here on our own – I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that our daughter-in-law is not downstairs anymore – but between continuing to get ready for our move, books that need reading, and Kaipo and Tilly we are staying somewhat busy.

Our big project this month will be getting a couple of bundles of moving boxes and getting started on our end of the packing. The movers will be packing all of the kitchenware, including small appliances, and the art work, but we are going to pack everything else on our own. Our goal is to do at least two boxes each day – more if we feel like it – so that it’s done by the time the movers show up. We purchased the dogs their travel crates for the trip. They had to be an exact size specified by the airline, and we ended up having to buy them on Amazon. Neither dog has actually entered one yet, but Tilly is almost there. Kaipo hates small enclosed spaces and getting him into his carrier will be a challenge, right up to the end.

We’re still trying to decide whether we should aim to stay in Oregon, and where, or whether we should maybe choose someplace else with better winter weather for a goal. We’ve firmly decided that although we could buy a home or a condo, we don’t want to be tied to a mortgage again at this point of our lives. Renting has worked out well for us so we’re going to stick with it.

Anyway, here’s how we did with our goals in June:

  • Continue to walk every day and increase our distance a little more. Also, I want to find more ways to add steps throughout the day. Right now I’m getting around 7,500 to 8,000. The heat, humidity, and allergies brought an end to my walking. I just can’t deal with it and it’s only getting worse.
  • Do something special for Brett on Father’s Day. Our DIL gave Brett a gift certificate to Red Lobster so we got a seafood boil there and shared it. It was pretty good! Otherwise he refused to be waited on.
  • Read at least three books. I finished a Louise Penny mystery, The Nature of the Beast, The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead (who rightfully won the Pulitzer, the National Book award, and the Carnegie Medal for it), and State of Terror by Hillary Clinton and Louise Penny. It was a page turner!
  • Finish emptying the pantry and food stockpile. Done! All that’s left are a few unfinished bottles of different things (vinegars, oils, etc.) and some sugar and a little flour. All the CookDo sauces will be moving to Oregon.

Here are our goals for July:

  • Get boxes and start packing!
  • Make a firm and final decision about whether to sell the books or not.
  • Read at least three more books. I’m currently reading Yesteryear and enjoying it, and then have a Lucy Foley’s The Midnight Feast to read as well as John Updike’s The Witches of Eastwick.

There is no menu plan for July. We emptied the pantry in June and didn’t want to buy any more ingredients at this point so we bought already prepared foods for next month, stuff from Costco and Trader Joe’s freezer and deli, spending $435 for a freezer and refrigerator full of meals (and a few extras) we’re looking forward to. Brett and I have successfully been getting more protein into our daily diet along with eating less carbs and we stuck with those guidelines when we chose meals yesterday. We have mostly given up sweets but bought six half gallons of Tillamook ice cream when Krogers had a BOGO sale we stumbled on, and Brett discovered a blueberry custard pie at Costco that had to go into our cart as well. We’ve been pacing ourselves with the ice cream and will do the same with the pie.

Odds and Ends

Posted on by Laura & Brett

Just some stuff that’s too small for a regular post:

  • I have always enjoyed getting together with my readers and we had another wonderful meet up with Tamara (My Retirement Project) and her husband last week. She’s visiting family here from California that live nearby, and this is the third time we’ve been able to get together – in Tennessee of all places. I wish we had had more time because the four of us never run out of things to talk about. Fingers are crossed we’re all able to meet up again when we’re in Oregon.
  • With just a very little over two months left in Tennessee we looking more seriously at potential places to live in Oregon. We’ve been looking at apartments out on the coast but the prices there are mostly too high and the selection very limited. Our favorite place currently has one apartment available though so we’ve got our fingers crossed that we get lucky. We’ve found a few places in Portland that would work for us as well. We know we’ll eventually find somewhere and someplace to live so are not feeling frantic . . . yet.
  • What we’ll do if we can’t handle the winter weather in Oregon is a frequent topic between Brett and me these days because we both know there’s a real possibility the season will drag us down again. Leaving Oregon would be easier than last time, but where is still (and always) the question. It took us nearly four years to settle on Oregon, and we can’t imagine another place will appear any quicker if we have to start looking again.
  • We have less than a year to go on our car loan! We had been thinking about selling it after we arrived in Oregon but now think having a paid off car will be a flex and something we should hold on to. Our 2017 Armada has less than 70,000 miles on it and is in excellent condition, with our model typically running for 200K miles or more. We’ve never been “big car” people but have come to appreciate the size and comfort of it these past few years. The gas mileage it gets is the only downside, but we don’t drive much these days.
  • More items have been sorted, tossed, or taken to Goodwill this past month. We are torn about whether to keep, sell back to McKays, or donate our books (because of their weight), and still haven’t come to a decision – we literally change our minds from day to day. The books are currently sitting in piles on the floor while we work our way through getting all of them read. Things are getting done and getting closer to being ready for the move and our efforts to reduce stress this go-around seem to be working.
  • I had been seriously thinking about ordering meal plan kits (like Hello Fresh) for our last month in the apartment, but realized we’re going to need them next month as well because we’ve done such a great job of using stuff up and don’t want to buy more “ingredients” before we go. I also really don’t want to cook so I think instead we’ll just buy prepared meals/foods from Costco and Trader Joe’s and hopefully not blow up the budget.
  • I’m enjoying my teaching/tutoring job and I picked up another two students this month so that’s helping to keep me a little busier, but not too much. I’m enjoying the mental challenge of lesson planning and teaching again, and the small income I receive is also nice!

Down the Skincare Rabbit Hole

Posted on by Laura & Brett

Up until recently I have been a minimalist when it comes to skincare. Some of that comes from ignorance: my mother never used anything on her face but bath soap and water, and grew up and lived most of her life in Southern California and loved being in the sun. Let’s just say she got A LOT of wrinkles as she aged (but didn’t care). She never taught me anything about skincare, so what I know I have learned on my own over the years. Although I didn’t get on the sunscreen bandwagon until I was in my early 40s (I had no idea about all the damage the sun could inflict before that), I’ve used a daily facial moisturizer and body lotion since my early 20s, and have washed my face twice each day with a skin-friendly cream or soap. My routine never required anything but a minimal amount of time and product.

Well, at age 74 I have earned some wrinkles but thankfully nowhere near as many as my mother did. Most of them are a result of the time I spent in the sun when I was young, when my skin care of choice was baby oil, cocoa butter, or Bain de Soleil. These were not good choices for a young girl with very fair skin, but who knew back then?

Last month I watched The Thursday Murder Club movie with my granddaughter, and noticed both Helen Mirren and Celia Imrie had quite a few wrinkles, actually lots of them. Helen Mirren is six years older than me, and Celia Imrie is the same age as I am and both are absolutely beautiful, but their wrinkles were noticeable (to me, anyway). Afterward the movie I went running to the bathroom mirror to check out my face and was somewhat surprised to see that thankfully I wasn’t even close when it came to wrinkles on my face. I have lines on my forehead (“worry lines”) that I’ve had for ages, inherited from my father, but they’re actually less noticeable than they were 10 years ago. I also have crows feet (who doesn’t at my age), and the beginnings of some jowls near my mouth that add a few lines, but not as many as I thought. I messaged my daughters to ask what they thought and got good reviews: wrinkles, yes but not many.

So, I researched if there was anything I could do at my age not to get rid of the lines on my face but at least halt their progression. I was looking for simple skincare routines and products that wouldn’t cost a fortune and that might keep my skin where it’s at now for a few more years. I read about lotions and creams and brands, about drinking more water, about sunscreen and staying out of the sun, about wearing hats. And then I jumped into the skincare rabbit hole.

I am now using moisturizing serums twice a day, a hyaluronic acid one for day, a retinol one at night, both dupes purchased at Trader Joe’s that have gotten great reviews. During the day I also use an eye cream from TJ’s, a moisturizer from Muji, and Bioré SPF 50 sunscreen on top. I bought the Bioré when I was in Japan – it’s very light and easy to apply. At night I apply a night cream over the serum, another Trader Joe’s product. For cleansing I use Neutrogena microcellular cloths (from Costco) and a moisturizing cleanser from Muji. My body lotion is Trader Joe’s Brazil Nut body butter.

Is all this worth it or is it all too much? Everything about my face looks the same now, but results (if there will be any) can take four to twelve weeks. Do I really want to see a difference? Not really – I just don’t want to see any new lines appearing. Is this something I want to spend money on? For now, yes, although not extravagantly. Trader Joe’s dupes receive high scores, and so far it’s stayed affordable to add them into my daily routine. Are there more products I’d like to try? Maybe, but I don’t need them so am not buying.

By the way, did I forget to mention I am vain?

Shifting Gears

Posted on by Laura & Brett

We have finally arrived at the point where our Tennessee life has moved actively into transition mode as we get ready for our departure for Oregon.

The grandkids have finished school in Tennessee and are on summer break. Our grandson has been in Massachusetts the past few weeks, spending time with Meiling and WenYu. He will be going for a week of camp in Florida later in the month. K is currently attending a full-day summer camp in Nashville, and will go to Florida as well with our son and DIL for their own vacation while C is in camp. They also have several other plans to round out the summer, including a western national park road trip. We were going to have K with us for one last week toward the end of July but our DIL’s parents are coming to visit from Japan and she will stay with them instead. We’ll be keeping their dog with us for the week they’re in Florida, but that will be the last of our grandparent duties.

We have no more school pickups and other schedules to maintain now. Brett no longer has to drive over to C’s school every afternoon, and we don’t have K here every afternoon like we did before. And yes, we miss her. At the end of this month our daughter-in-law will move into her new apartment in downtown Nashville and Brett and I will truly be out here on our own.

Brett and I enjoy each other’s company and always have lots to talk about. We’re pretty much always on the same page about everything, and know how to work through any differences that pop up. We are enjoying sleeping in, not having to buy and keep snacks available for others, not having the TV on in the afternoon, and living on our own schedules for a change. However, this transition is already a bittersweet one. We have loved having our grandchildren and daughter-in-law close by, and we’ve seen our son far more as well than we did for all the years they were living in Japan. Life is going to feel very empty for a while without them so close.

It’s (almost) hard for us to believe that our time in Tennessee is coming to a close. We came for two years and ended up spending four years here, and time has seemed to drag for the most part. While we will miss our family we will not miss living here. Tennessee is a beautiful state in many, many ways but it has never suited us: the weather, the politics, and other things have not been a good fit. Being tied down to a place has also been difficult at times after our years of travel.

All things change though, and we’re looking forward to new challenges at the end of the summer, and living out west again.

Graduation Getaway in Philly

Posted on by Laura & Brett

Brett and I enjoyed a short getaway to Philadelphia for YaYu’s graduation at the end of May. Everything went according to plan, with food the main theme of our visit. Any time our girls get together, there is always going to be food, lots and lots of food, and this time was no exception – we felt like we were always eating something while we were there.

I was a little nervous about flying again before we left, but our flight took off and arrived on time, and was very smooth. WenYu and Meiling met us at the airport and we headed back into South Philadelphia to pick up YaYu for our first dining experience.

Our first meal together was at a huge Korean hot pot restaurant. With Brett and I, K (Meiling’s husband), and the three girls there were six of us, and we were seated at a large table with each seat having a small element for heating our personal pots of cooking broth. The menu offered several flavor choices for the broth, and three pages of different items you could order to add to your hot pot. K and I ordered the ginger pork broth, Brett got a miso broth, YaYu an herb broth, and Meiling and WenYu went with a very spicy broth. The price for the meal was per person, and you could order as many items as you wanted from the menu so our table got A LOT so we could share. The only rule was we had to eat everything (or almost everything) we ordered as the restaurant could weigh any uneaten food and charge us for it. I’ll just say we went crazy and ordered plates of Wagyu beef, pork belly, beef belly, fresh crab, bok choy, enoki mushrooms, two types of fish balls, lobster balls, tofu, and lots more. There were plates all over our table but we did manage to finish almost everything – we were cooking in our hot pots for over an hour!

We left the restaurant full and happy and headed to an Aldi just a block away from YaYu’s home for a few items, and then went to our Airbnb. It was located a couple of blocks from YaYu’s place in an older row home, but the place was exceptionally clean and had everything we needed. Funny to us though was how sloped the floor was. From the front door to the bedroom was downhill, and back was uphill, enough where you could actually feel it when you walked. I set down my carry-on bag on the floor in the living room when we arrived and watched it calmly roll itself all the way into the corner of the bedroom! We had a great stay though – no complaints.

After a solid night’s sleep, we got ready for the reason for our trip – YaYu’s graduation! YaYu and her delightful girlfriend picked us up for breakfast at a nearby local restaurant (I of course had to have eggs Benedict), and then we were off to Villanova and the ceremony. Our big concern was the day was expected to be VERY HOT (like 98 degrees) and we would be sitting outside for the ceremony with no shade. It was positively scorching when we arrived, and we were all dreading having to stay outside, but when YaYu checked in we were informed the graduate degree ceremony would take place in the gymnasium because thunderstorms were expected. Hallelujah! The gym was cool and comfortable, we got great seats, and the ceremony was very nice.

When we arrived back at YaYu’s place afterwards, WenYu and K decided to walk to a nearby Wawa to pick up something for Meiling, and asked if I wanted to come along. I said sure, and off we went. “Nearby” turned out to be over 1.5 miles each way.

It became clear as we walked that a thunderstorm was going to arrive shortly, and we were within two blocks of the Wawa store when the heavens finally opened. WenYu had an umbrella, but we ducked into a CVS where I bought a cheap umbrella, sort of horse after the cart though as I was already soaked to the skin (as was K). We made it to Wawa, they got their stuff (food of course) and we walked back to YaYu’s where cocktails and blankets were waiting. I’m kind of amazed I didn’t fall as I was wearing flip flops which got slippery, but I did okay. I got somewhat dried off before we all headed downtown for YaYu’s graduation party – she had invited her closest family, friends, and faculty to a Thai restaurant for dinner in a private dining room. Along with good conversation Brett and I had yummy pad Thai and an interesting and tasty dessert. A good time was had by all, and by the time we finished the storm had moved on. We returned to our Airbnb by Uber and laughed that the driver could have taken us anywhere in the city and we would have been none the wiser. It was pitch dark, wet, and we had no idea where we were.

I woke up Thursday morning with my back in intense pain, and barely able to walk. Brett called the girls to let them know I wouldn’t be doing anything that day but the girls said no problem, they could rearrange their schedule. I rested my back and slept on and off all day, and YaYu and WenYu stopped by in the evening with big cheesesteaks for dinner! They were amazing, but we could only eat half (we wrapped up the others and brought them home).

The next morning I felt fine and we all headed out to Amish country – Lancaster, Bird-in-Hand, Intercourse, and Paradise among other places – in two cars for sightseeing, shopping, and of course eating. Our first stop was a country store where the girls bought hand made souvenirs and we all enjoyed fresh-baked soft pretzels – they were so good! Brett and I bought our favorite find of the day there, a bottle of locally made lavender lemonade. That stuff was fantastic! Next we visited the Kitchen Kettle Village in Intercourse, a collection of shops featuring Amish made goods as well as other foods and items. Brett and I bought small bottles of olive oil and honey we could bring back on the airplane as well as some locally made Wasabi cheddar, along with crackers, rocky road fudge, and a couple of special treats for Kaipo and Tilly. Lots of places were giving out samples and I’m pretty sure we would have brought home more treats if we’d been able. After leaving the village we headed to the little town of Bart and had a late lunch at an Amish diner. Brett and I felt full from all the samples, so he had just a ham and cheese sandwich, and I got a very satisfying cup of chicken pot pie soup. We did have enough room afterwards for a piece of homemade and very yummy cherry pie, the perfect ending to a perfect day of good food and gorgeous scenery. I wish I had gotten more pictures but I was too busy looking at the beautiful, well-kept farms. We passed lots of horse-drawn buggies on the roads, and it was interesting to see how many homes and farms have adopted the use of solar energy (solar is acceptable because it does not tie the Amish to the power grid, the earlier issue with using electricity). We could always tell which farms and homes were owned by Amish because of the traditional clothing and colors hanging out on all the clotheslines. Neither Brett nor I can believe we didn’t succumb and eat a whoopee pie that day, but we stayed strong.

For our last morning in Philadelphia, YaYu took us to a nearby SE Asian outdoor market for breakfast. However, it was raining, cold, and muddy and very few vendors had set up so we didn’t stay long and instead headed to YaYu’s favorite Asian bakery. Brett was able to get a hot cup of coffee there, and we also bought a huge sesame ball and a luscious pineapple cream bun to eat on the flight home. It was hard to say goodbye to the girls – we had had a great time and don’t know when we’ll see them next – but we had eaten our fill and we missed our puppies. Our return flight was again very smooth, and departed and arrived in Nashville on time. Tilly and Kaipo were happy to see us, and we’ve settled back in. The souvenirs didn’t last long.

No more travels for us now until we leave in September!

Goodbye May, Hello June!

Posted on by Laura & Brett

Just slightly over three more months left in Tennessee! Time is starting to fly now, and everything has come together for our move to Oregon. Brett and I are currently evaluating the apartment and every day we find things that we can sell or donate. Our daughter-in-law will move to her new apartment in downtown Nashville (a short, walkable distance to the consulate) in late June so we will effectively be living on our own here after she goes. She has taken the bookcase and the big (artificial) plant for her new apartment.

May has been a great month with lots of good weather, although it is starting to get hot now. Brett and I walked almost daily and we’re now up to over two miles (Brett gets in a lot more mileage though from taking the dogs out throughout the day). We ate like healthy, fit people (well, not so much in Philadelphia) and mostly did not fall off the wagon. At the beginning of the month I read about people taking a daily Pepcid-Allegra combination to potentially relieve inflammation and relieve pain, and since I already take Famotadine (Pepcid) daily and also Zyrtec for allergies, I decided to give the combo a try and switched to my allergy medication to Allegra. My results have not been as dramatic as some have reported, but I’m moving more than I had been with either zero or far less pain than I had been experiencing in my lower back and hips. Allegra seems to be better for managing my allergies as well. I was kind of getting desperate about the pain, so hope this combo continues to offer relief. ***I DO NOT RECOMMEND ANYONE TRYING THIS UNLESS YOU SPEAK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST, OR ALREADY TAKE THESE MEDICATIONS.***

We had a fantastic time in Philadelphia with our daughters for YaYu’s graduation. Post is coming up about that!

Here’s how we did with our goals in May:

  • Get my hair cut (short again) and also get a manicure and pedicure. I want to look presentable at YaYu’s graduation. I got a great haircut at of all places, Fantastic Sam’s, a “British bob” this time instead of short. The stylist took one look at my hair, cut off a bunch and lightened things up in around 15 minutes and voilà! I love it – still curly but lightweight with no more frizz. And, it only cost $30. I ended up doing my nails myself but never got a pedicure.
The tote bag we gave YaYu
  • Purchase YaYu’s graduation present (at the beginning of the month). We got her a Maika canvas tote bag for work, to carry her laptop and other needs to her new job.
  • Read Careless Love, a book about the start of Elvis Presley’s career that we got for our anniversary. It’s a big book with tiny print so I’m thinking it may be all I’ll be able to finish this month. Did not even open this. Maybe I’ll get to it this month.
  • Book a moving service to Oregon. We signed with a mover (Allied). The cost came in just slightly more than we had budgeted, but we know we can both lower our weight by getting rid of more stuff and squeeze another couple of hundred dollars off the price. Everything is now set up for our move!
This baked eggplant dish was easy to make and so flavorful.
  • Try a new, healthy recipe. I made a very easy and delicious Moroccan eggplant dish that we both loved. I’m already looking forward to having it again.

Here are our goals for June:

  • Continue to walk every day and increase our distance a little more. Also, I want to find more ways to add steps throughout the day. Right now I’m getting around 7,500 to 8,000.
  • Do something special for Brett on Father’s Day.
  • Read at least three books
  • Finish emptying the pantry and food stockpile.

We spent a little over $400 last month on groceries and enjoyed a lot of wonderful, healthy meals so will stay with that amount for June. Below are the meals that will be in rotation in June:

  • Spaghetti with meat sauce
  • Pork chops with sauerkraut
  • Miso cod with sweet potatoes
  • Mahimahi burgers
  • Shrimp or fish tacos
  • Potsticker tacos
  • Cheese & charcuterie platters

Here’s hoping June goes by quickly and easily!

Do I Look Fat In This?

Posted on by Laura & Brett

Last week’s post got me thinking about this one I posted in The Occasional Nomads on August 6, 2020.

My sister sent me the above photo last week. My brother has been transferring my mom’s photos to digital files and sent this one to my sister for some reason.

A little backstory on the photo: I am 14 and in my first year of high school. I am waiting for a boy named Jim to pick me up for the semi-formal Homecoming Coronation Ball, wearing an older woman’s orange wool cocktail dress that my mother made me buy because she did not want to pay for a semi-formal dress. I hated the orange dress and didn’t want to go to the dance wearing it. I actually ended up getting my wish because Jim never showed up. It hurt at the time, but looking back it was a blessing in disguise. I would have been miserable, and I didn’t like Jim all that much anyway.

The first thing I noticed about the picture though was how small I was, a mere slip of a girl really. I was almost as tall as I am now, but so slim. You couldn’t have convinced me of that back then though because I was already convinced I was fat. I was always on a diet because the message I kept getting over and over at home was that I was overweight. It started when I was in middle school, when my older brother came up with a nickname for me, “Super Oink,” to let me know he thought I looked fat. He eventually shortened it to “Super,” but the name still hurt me deeply. My parents laughed every time I brought it up and thought it was funny and told me to “get over it;” my brother was never asked nor told to let it go (my brother still calls me Super today, like it’s some endearing connection, but I refuse now to use or respond to it). The hurt was so deep at the time I moved to my grandmother’s home for a few months, walking to school every day and hitching rides with friends for choir practice and church on Sunday (my grandmother didn’t drive). My father got in on the weight shaming as well from time to time. For example, during the summer after my freshman year I practically starved myself and exercised daily to lose weight because I had been selected for the school’s drill team and thought I should be thinner for that. When I went to tell my parents one morning that I had reached my goal weight, my Dad’s only comment was, “Well, your legs still look heavy,” and there was no comment or rebuttal from my mother. I remember feeling crushed. By my junior year I was attending Weight Watchers meetings even though I had trouble convincing them I needed to lose weight.

When I look at that picture of my 14-year-old self now I feel angry, sad, and disappointed, just like that young girl in the picture felt that evening. I was not overweight, even by a little, but I had already been conditioned to think I was, already seeing the “fat girl” every time I looked at my reflection and constantly comparing myself to other girls I thought were thinner. I know now they weren’t.

Why did I think I was overweight? Why was I made to feel so ashamed of how I looked? That’s what makes me angry now, not just for myself but for so many women. Who did/does that serve? What did it/does it matter? What was/is the point? Back then I was a good student, read constantly, had nice friends, and earned my own money babysitting in the neighborhood. I was healthy and active. No one outside of my family seemed to care what my weight was or how I looked, so why did my family keep it up? Because of their judgements and remarks, and also because super-skinny models like Twiggy came to be seen as desirable and attractive at about the same time, I have spent most of my life obsessing about my weight and food, always asking myself if I “look fat” in something, always thinking things would be better if I was “thin,” and constantly following one diet or another and berating myself when my weight creeped up. For what?

That early conditioning has been more potent and ingrained than I ever imagined, and has stayed with me, impossible to get rid of. It has only been in the last two decades that I began to recognize and remember what had been going on and begin to change my attitude and how I see myself. I worked hard to raise my daughters differently so that they exercise and eat well for no other reason than it is healthy. I’m losing weight now for my health as well, so my joints and back don’t ache so much. I am no longer obsessed with food and I forget we have a scale most of the time. I know I will never be model thin, but again, so what? Sadly, I still stop at a mirror whenever I pass one and check to see whether I “look fat,” and I still see a fat girl most of the time, not what Brett, my children, or others see. I’m still healing, but I’m not there yet and sometimes wonder if I will ever get there. The scars of my past are deep.